Halloween

Halloween is ostensibly my favorite holiday, but I'm no longer in college anymore, so there's no Boo's Cruise or Baker party to let loose at and no traditional pumpkin drop, so what does it mean to me now? It means trick-or-treating, but from the other side of the looking glass. I'm currently camped at the edge of my house's wireless network range about 100 yards down the hill next to my driveway beside a glowing plastic pumpkin waiting for greedy tykes to roll through and sift through my basket of fun size offerings while grimacing at the lack of options. I don't know what to say to these kids when they take my candy because I honestly don't remember what adults said to me when I trick-or-treated a decade ago. I think they said "nice costume" or some other weird thing that adults say.

I try to be a little scary by wearing my UMASS hoodie and sitting still in my chair so they think I'm a straw dummy or something. Once I tell them I didn't actually go to UMASS they see that I'm a living person who can provide them with sweets. Most of them know the drill: drone out "trick or treat", snatch a treat, then abruptly turn away while mumbling "thanks..." (usually at the prodding of their adult supervision). Some of them brough UNICEF boxes, which I was unprepared for. I hastily took out my wallet and dumped all my change into the slot for the first kid who asked. I didn't think any more were coming, but then three more small girls came by, and all I had left were dollar bills. By the end, I'd even run out of dollar bills and was forced to give away a five. Those orange boxes gobbled up my lunch money...

I only saw one really great costume, which was a robot. This was a great robot; it had traditional cardboard boxes as head stacked on torso which were spray-painted metallic gray. That would've been something on its own, just because it was homemade, but then there were the lights. The lights! On his chest and on the top of his head, they blinked and they flashed and they were the size of genuine buttons. This could could've been an actual robot, no joke.

I think the most awkward moment of the evening was when I was approached by a foursome who halted six feet away from me when I stood from my chair with my basket. They stared at me silently and I stared back. They probably thought I was a creeper, but I was simply waiting for the secret words. I tried to elicit some sort of greeting with a "yeeesss?" and the girl on the end peeped out a little "trick or... treat?" A sense of relief fell about them once I offered my basket in response. I felt like a statue in a Legend of Zelda game that needs to have the right melody played before it to operate. As the group skipped away, the girl who activated me boasted to her parents that she was smart and had passed the test.

I'm just about out of candy. The Skittles went fastest, and I'm not surprised. I'm more of a fruit candy person myself as well. I have to be in the right mood to like chocolate. What did surprise me was just how many kids there are in this neighborhood. These houses were built here in the early nineties, so it appears that all the families that moved here initially to raise children have progressed enough to deploy a substantial fleet of larval, sugar-devouring munchkins.

On another note, Radiohead is good Halloween music. "Kid A" and "In Rainbows" accompanying a holiday with an aura of chilled eeriness? It sounded like a crap shoot to me too. "Motion Picture Soundtrack" has just faded out, so I will too.