Parking in the lines

The upper valley area has been moderately snowed-under for the past week, and it doesn't fill me with much feeling whatsoever. It basically means I can't practice whiffleball and the roads are more slippery, but it also means Banjo doesn't whine to go outside all the goddam fucking time. The idea of frolicking in the white stuff doesn't enter my head. It must be a step towards adulthood when snow doesn't fill you with happiness anymore. Even in college, the sight of a clean cornered rectangle of unbroken blankness covering Briggs field was mind-cleansing.

In a practical sense, snow makes adults into retards. My parents get over-anxious when there's any snow on the roads, and they repeatedly tell me to not take the shortcut back home up Pinneo Hill Rd. because it's gravel. Sometimes they call me to remind me of this. Frozen jagged gravel or slippery mush on pavement... which do you think has more traction, idiots? I always take Pinneo Hill with no trouble ever. My parents are always driving off the road and off our own driveway, while I, whom I consider to be a subpar driver, have driven home with the upper 2/3 of my windshield iced over.

Everyone in the work parking lot has forgotten how to park within the lines. Rather, a couple people probably screwed it up for everyone else, forcing them to shift over. If you can't see the lines because they're covered in snow, make a good guess as to where they are and not a stupid one. Sometimes I find the original dumbass's car, and there's 8 feet of room between his car and the next car over that was the last to be within the lines. As I walked past this, I thought of an idea for a story/movie/scenario that involved a serial killer sniper who only shot people who didn't park correctly. How many victims would it take for the police to catch on to the pattern? Do they investigate the car of a victim at a crime scene? Would the police chief say in his televised press conference afterwards, "Citizens, for your own safety, I implore you to park your vehicles as straight as possible within the designated boundaries!" Then everyone would be terrified while they parked, backing in and out 3-4 times to get it just right. Hilarious.